Why You Still Feel Stressed Despite Self-Care (And What You Can Do Instead)

Understanding the Limitations of Self-Care

Self-care has become a buzzword in discussions about mental health, physical health, and overall well-being. From spa days to journaling, many people actively engage in self-care, yet they still struggle with stress, anxiety, and a lack of balance in their daily life. If you've ever wondered why your self-care plan isn't providing the relief you expected, you're not alone.

My Skepticism About Self-Care (and What Changed My Mind)

When I first entered massage school, I scoffed at the idea of "self-care." I was there to dig into tissue, physically release muscle and connective tissue tension, and learn how to help people through hands-on techniques. The idea that self-care could be anything more than stretching or occasional relaxation seemed frivolous to me. I thought that deep work on the body was all that mattered. But over time, as I watched clients continue to carry stress despite regular treatments—and as I began experiencing burnout myself—I realized that self-care means much more than just physical tension relief. Addressing mental, emotional, and sensory aspects was just as important as working on the body itself.

The True Meaning of Well Being

The World Health Organization defines self-care as a broad concept that includes behaviors people adopt to promote health, prevent disease, and maintain well-being. Self-care refers to more than just bubble baths—it encompasses everything from regular exercise and fresh air to deep emotional health work. It also involves self-regulation—the ability to internally navigate stress and emotions effectively—and sensory processing, which plays a key role in how we experience and respond to our environment.

Why Self-Care Alone May Not Be Enough

Despite practicing self-care, many people continue to experience chronic stress and fatigue. Here’s why:

1. You're Focusing on the Wrong Type of Self-Care

There are many forms of self-care, but not all are equally effective for every individual. If you're only engaging in fun or superficial self-care practices, you might not be addressing the deeper issues causing your stress.

Types of Self-Care:

• Physical: Regular exercise, eating healthy, and getting enough sleep

• Mental: Practicing mindfulness, therapy, and learning stress management strategies

• Emotional: Processing emotions, maintaining relationships, and seeking support

• Mindfulness: Practicing gratitude, self-awareness and compassionate situational awareness

• Social: Spending time with friends, families, and community

• Sensory: Identifying and managing how environmental stimuli affect your nervous system

2. You're Not Addressing the Root Cause of Stress

Self-care means taking action to reduce stress, but if you're only treating symptoms rather than the underlying issues, stress will persist. Over my 25 years of bodywork, I’ve seen physical tension continue despite treatments, often because stress runs deeper than just muscle tightness. The most common reasons? Stress from expectations not aligning with reality and the inability to truly rest without feeling good about how one showed up in life. The tension between how things "should be" and how they actually unfold can create frustration, anxiety, and even exhaustion, especially for top-down thinkers. Meanwhile, sensory processing challenges, such as sensitivity to noise, bright lights, or crowded spaces, plays a significant role in how bottom-up thinkers experience and build up stress.

3. Your Self-Care Routine Lacks Consistency

A one-time meditation session won’t provide lasting relief. To truly manage stress and improve well-being, you need a consistent self-care plan that fits into your daily or weekly life.

4. You’re Overlooking the Importance of Taking Action with Boundaries or Making Changes

Many people engage in self-care without setting healthy boundaries in their life. If you're constantly overextending yourself at work or in your personal relationships, no amount of self-care will be enough to counteract the stress.

5. You're Neglecting the Social and Sensory Aspects of Self-Care

Humans are social beings, and spending time with loved ones is crucial for mental and emotional health. Additionally, understanding how sensory processing affects your nervous system can help you design a self-care plan that truly works for you. If loud environments, constant screen time, or certain textures leave you feeling drained, adjusting your sensory input can improve your well-being.

What You Can Do Instead

1. Create a Holistic Self-Care Plan

A well-rounded self-care plan should incorporate various forms of self-care, including physical activity, emotional processing, and social connection.

Steps to develop a balanced self-care plan:

1. Identify your biggest stressors.

2. Incorporate at least one practice from each category of self-care a month.

3. Adjust your plan based on what is helpful for you.

4. Track your progress with a journal.

2. Prioritize Sleep, Nutrition, and Movement

Your physical health has a reciprocal relationship to your mental and emotional health. Eat healthy, get enough sleep, and engage in regular exercise to help your body process life and support your overall well-being.

3. Address the Root Causes of Stress

If your stress stems from a toxic work environment, financial worries, or unhealed trauma, direct action may be needed. Self-care can support you, but addressing the core issues is essential. Gaining self-regulation skills and neutrality can help you navigate stressors more effectively while also accessing insight, creative solutions and next steps you can feel good about.

4. Seek Professional Support

Sometimes, self-care alone isn't enough. Therapy, coaching, or other professional resources can provide tools, insights and another perspective to help you effectively manage stress and improve your health holistically.

5. Balance Self-Care with Community Care

True wellness isn’t just about taking care of yourself—it’s about building strong social support networks. Lean on friends, families, and communities for connection and encouragement.

6. Make Self-Care a Regular Habit

To maintain overall health, integrate self-care into your daily or weekly life. Whether it's practicing mindfulness, going for a walk in fresh air, or adjusting your sensory input, consistency is key. One of the best ways to stay consistent is by joining a group or program that provides accountability and support. Having a community that reinforces your self-care habits and provides a framework to follow can make it easier to stay committed and adapt as needed.

The Long-Term Benefits of Effective Self-Care

When practiced correctly, self-care can help:

• Prevent disease and improve physical health

• Enhance mental clarity and emotional health

• Increase energy and ability to cope with stress

• Strengthen relationships and well-being

• Foster a sense of meaning, purpose, and hope

If self-care hasn’t been reducing your stress, it may be time to reassess your approach. A strategic, well-rounded self-care plan that prioritizes consistency, social support, self-regulation, and sensory awareness can transform your life and help you achieve true mental, emotional, and physical well-being.

By making small, meaningful changes, you can cultivate a self-care routine that genuinely supports your health, happiness, and long-term wellness.

Take the Next Step!

If you're unsure about where your hidden sources of stress might be coming from, take my FREE Tension Test. This quick assessment will help you identify the more subtle stressors affecting your mental, emotional, and physical health, so you can create a self-care plan that truly works for you. Ready to dive deeper into your well-being? Take the Tension Test now!