where it began

When I started my business at 21 years old, the thought of massage for stress relief made my eyes roll. In my mind, massage brought physical relief and that’s what made people feel less stressed. It wasn’t until an encounter with a coworker that I realized how wrong I was. Over the next few years, I would learn how stress management, in the form of self-awareness and self-regulation, is the key to releasing physical tension as well as navigating everyday life and life’s struggles.

LESSON 1

I loved being a practitioner but I tend to be very awkward in groups. In a treatment, I am relaxed and confident but leading and managing a staff was far more challenging. After one especially uncomfortable meeting, I was approached by a LCSW colleague who knew me well one-on-one. She could tell I was not acting like myself and asked, “What was that?” I knew what she was referring to but I didn’t have an answer. I honestly didn’t know what my problem was. I was just doing the best I could. When she said, “I can help” I was perplexed but intrigued. I jumped at the chance to end the struggle and figure out how to do it better.

So it began.

In treatments with her, she helped me reveal subtle moments and experiences that make me uncomfortable and apparently - stressed. Yup! That thing I rolled my eyes about in massage school. That stress. It was happening more often than I realized because I was “managing” or covering it up with some rather unflattering coping mechanisms. Additionally, these types of behaviors mask our true, authentic selves and keep us feeling “off”. But the truth is, we don’t always want to change what we’re doing because to some degree, our coping techniques work. That is - until they don’t, until we can’t use them or until we want to do better.

This brings me back to treatments…

I had to start processing. Now when I say processing, I’m talking about information...all the information we take away from an experience. We react to things physically, emotionally, and mentally. So processing is really a fancy way of saying we’re categorizing and organizing information. To do this, we used mindful awareness skills to help me see through the layers of hurt, pain, fear, and uncertainty that masked my core issue. It also revealed when and how I could shift my behavior.

I finally gained insights about myself that led me to a new level of compassion, understanding, and strength which enabled me to get unstuck. This is why I know that’s possible for you, too.

LESSON 2

While I was seeing the integrative talk therapist, I also began training for Craniosacral Therapy (CST) with Ken DiPersio. I name him specifically because I believe he brings an honest, experienced and evidence based foundation to the work that is not common to all CST. The CST processing he teaches practitioners allows us to fully show up for clients AND it just happened to support all the personal processing work I was doing as well.

This double team effect was serving me well and about to pay off in a big way. It helped me to stop smoking, which was one of my unhealthy self-regulation behaviors. Then it helped me to find patience and acceptance during years of fertility treatments. When I was 5 months pregnant and delivered and lost my twin girls, it was there for me again.

LESSON 3

Six weeks after my devastating loss, I was scheduled to take an advanced Craniosacral water training with Ken in Florida. When I called to cancel, explaining the situation, he said, “Well, you can stay up there and try to process on your own, or you can come here and have help.” Ugh. I knew the work was going to be uncomfortable but I also knew it was something I had to do. And then he hit my soft spot. “You know, Aimee. If you are able to do this for yourself, then you have a unique advantage to help others do it, too.” This is when the healing work became something I wanted to do, not just needed to do. I replied with, “Ah, jeez! Alright, I’ll be there.”

The self-awareness, healthy self-regulation and multi-layered healing, helped me be present, thoughtful, intentional and aware during a massive loss. Don’t get me wrong, just because I’d gained these skills, it did not mean I was comfortable. I was 100% present. It meant I was able to make thoughtful decisions that I could feel good about, even when I didn’t feel good.

Some might say they don’t want to be present because of the physical, mental or emotional discomfort. But for me, feeling numb no longer works. I’ve experienced the deep peace that comes from “doing the work”. And if you’re still reading this, you likely agree.

You know that just because you don’t want something to happen, aren’t ready for it or didn’t see it coming, doesn’t mean it won’t happen to you. So either we face the facts and pivot accordingly or compartmentalize the struggle, hoping it won’t surface. Being present allowed me to keep showing up for myself, to dissipate the fear, heartache, physical tension, and other discomforts that came from my trauma. I didn’t forget what happened; that’s impossible, but I continued to develop patience and acceptance.

I’ve seen so many clients hold onto experiences because they’re afraid that they’ll forget. They’re afraid they’ll forget someone special or forget the lesson that they don’t want to repeat. You don’t need to hold onto all of it. I promise you won’t lose the memory, the connection or the lesson. You’ll only dissipate the discomfort associated with it.

LESSON 4

In the years since, I’ve been blessed with two more children. While parenting itself is its own challenge, it has also been a reminder of my loss. Instead of letting the sadness take over, I have practiced techniques that let me acknowledge my feelings, see how they affect my current actions, and make adjustments accordingly. I have a few more lessons that I won’t get into here because I think you get the gist. Being present and conscious is ongoing. But I do enjoy making progress every day.

When my coworker revealed to me my faulty coping mechanism, I started my journey to calm; that’s what I hope I can do for you. I’d like to help you put your finger on the thing that has you feeling “off” but not stop there. I’d also like to take you from “I should do self-care” to “I love how my self-care routine allows me to be a better version of myself everyday”.

I want you to see that you are not broken. When you stop trying to fix what isn’t broken (within yourself and others), you can start re-connecting with what already exists. I am whole, and so are you.

Let me teach you how to peel back the layers of pain and stress so you can access who you really are and who you’re fully meant to be. And during times when things are not easy or comfortable, I’ll be there to help you find safety. Are you ready to start with one very small step?